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  Here are some actual call centre conversations... LOL 

Deleted File
0800 Phone Number
Right-click
OK Button
Samsung Electronics
RAC Motoring Services
Heavy Breathing
WordPerfect Customer Support
Software Technical Support

 

May I help you

May I help you?

  Deleted File 

Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realized that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks; will I have my file back again?

  0800 Phone Number 

Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.

Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.

Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.

  Right-click 

Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.

Customer: 'OK'.

Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.

Customer: 'No'.

Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'

Customer: 'No'.

Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.

Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.

  OK Button 

Tech Support: 'Well. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'

Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'

  Samsung Electronics

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.

Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.

 RAC Motoring Services

Caller: Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?
Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'

  Heavy Breathing

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.

Now another serious long comedy...read it, enjoy it but take it seriously...

  WordPerfect Customer Support  

This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
 

Customer Support

End User

Employee: Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?

Well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.

What sort of trouble?

Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

Went away?

Yes, they disappeared.

Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?

Nothing.

Nothing?

It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.

Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?

How do I tell?

Can you see the c:prompt on the screen?

What's a sea-prompt?

Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?

There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type

Does your monitor have a power indicator?

What's a monitor?

It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?

I don't know.

Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?

Yes, I think so.

Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Yes, it is.

When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?

No.

Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.

Okay, here it is.

Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.

I can't reach.

Uh huh. Well can you see if it is?

No.

Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?

Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle. It's because it's dark.

Dark?

Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

Well, turn on the office light then.

I can't.

No? Why not?

Because there's a power outage.

A power....A power outage?

Aha!

Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the box and manuals and packing stuff you computer came in?

Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.

Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.

Really?

Is it that bad?

Yes, I'm afraid it is. Well, all right then, I suppose.

What do I tell them?

Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!

 

Software Technical Support

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 . I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6 no longer run , crashing the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User.

===============

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because   Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony
- Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application ' Yes Dear' to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as
Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

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