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Here are
some actual call centre
conversations... LOL
Deleted File
Caller:
'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realized that I
need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks; will I have my file
back again?
0800 Phone Number
Customer:
'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to
enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where did you get
that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It
was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they
are our opening hours'.
Right-click
Tech Support:
'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support:
'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support:
'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support:
'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me
to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
OK
Button
Tech Support:
'Well. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK'
button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you
see my screen from there?'
Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can
you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm
sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'On
page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to
unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before
cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I
think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
RAC
Motoring Services
Caller: Does
your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?
Operator: ' Doesn't the
product name give you a clue?'
Heavy Breathing
On another occasion, a man
making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I
haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
Now another serious long comedy...read it, enjoy it but take it
seriously...
WordPerfect Customer
Support
This has got
to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should
have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect
Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer
care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired;
however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for
'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I
know why they record these conversations!):
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Customer Support |
End User |
|
Employee:
Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?
|
Well, I'm having
trouble with WordPerfect. |
|
What sort of
trouble?
|
Well, I was just typing
along, and all of a sudden the words went away. |
|
Went away?
|
Yes, they disappeared. |
|
Hmm. So what
does your screen look like now?
|
Nothing. |
|
Nothing?
|
It's blank; it won't
accept anything when I type. |
|
Are you still
in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
|
How do I tell? |
|
Can you see
the c:prompt on the screen? |
What's a sea-prompt? |
|
Never mind.
Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
|
There isn't
any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type
|
|
Does your
monitor have a power indicator?
|
What's a monitor?
|
|
It's the thing
with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light
that tells you when it's on?
|
I don't know. |
|
Well, then
look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into
it. Can you see that? |
Yes, I think so.
|
|
Great! Follow
the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
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Yes, it is. |
|
When you were
behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into
the back of it, not just one? |
No.
|
|
Well, there
are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable. |
Okay, here it is.
|
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Follow it for
me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer. |
I can't reach.
|
|
Uh huh. Well
can you see if it is? |
No.
|
|
Even if you
maybe put your knee on something and lean way over? |
Oh, it's not because I
don't have the right angle. It's because it's dark.
|
|
Dark? |
Yes, the office light
is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
|
|
Well, turn on
the office light then. |
I can't.
|
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No? Why not? |
Because there's a power
outage.
|
|
A power....A
power outage?
|
Aha!
|
|
Okay, we've
got it licked now. Do you still have the box and manuals and packing stuff
you computer came in? |
Well, yes, I keep them
in the closet. |
|
Good!
Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when
you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from. |
Really?
|
|
Is it that
bad?
|
Yes, I'm afraid it is.
Well, all right then, I suppose. |
|
What do I tell
them? |
Tell them you're too
stupid to own a computer! |
Software Technical Support
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from
Girlfriend 7.0
to Wife 1.0 . I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child
processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In
addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activity. Applications such as
Poker Night 10.3
,
Football 5.0
,
Hunting and Fishing 7.5
, and
Racing 3.6
no longer run , crashing
the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my
favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0
, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
===============
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is
just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also
impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is
impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once
installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not
allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony
-
Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving
the situation. I suggest installing the background application
' Yes Dear'
to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system
will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance .
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as
Clean and Sweep 3.0
,
Cook It 1.5
and
Do Bills 4.2
.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens,
the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase
additional software. I recommend
Flowers 2.1
and
Diamonds 5.0
!
WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
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