Stupid Quotes

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot. (Charlie Chaplin)

Stupid picture of the week

• We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather.
  (Arab News Report )

• How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby.
  (Anonymous Manufacturer)

• I invented the internet.
  (Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President)

• Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing  but none of them serious.
  (Alan Minter, Boxer)

• You guys line up alphabetically by height.
  (Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach)

• You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.
  (Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach)

• For most people, death comes at the end of their lives.
  (GLR Broadcaster, UK)

• I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.
  (Greg Norman, Golfer)

• I do not like this word bomb. It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.
  (Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons)

• He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.
  (Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer)

• I say no to drugs, but they don't listen.
   Marilyn Manson, Singer

• I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
  (Miss Alabama, in the 1994 Miss Universe contest, when asked if she would want to live foreve)

• After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
  (Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island)

• While sitting in a tavern, someone hit my nose from behind.
   (Reason given for insurance claim)

• Danger: Slow Men At Work
  (Road sign in Brunei)

• Permitted vehicles not allowed.
  (Road sign on US 27)

• Elephants: Please Stay In Your Car.
  (Safari park sign)

• After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
  (Sign in a British office)

• We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door  the bell doesn't work.)
  (Sign on door of a repair shop)

• We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads.
  (Vlade Divac, NBA basketball player)

• Predictions are difficult, especially about the future.
  (Yogi Berra, Baseball player)

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